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I am a Woman Living Alone (Babae Akong Namumuhay Nang Mag-isa)

By Anonymous
I Am a Woman Living Alone
by Joi Barrios
translated by J.A. Del Prado

I am a woman living alone,
divorced,
old maid,
mistress,
whore.

They define my solitude as a stain,
a welt endowed by history,
a scar to bear for eternity.

There is a trial that I cannot pass,
a scale that measure my insufficiency,
a scrutiny that assesses
The effigy of my upbringing.
They will always scrutinize my solitude.

What they do not see is
it’s my decision.
My society tries
to confine and enslave me
by taking away
this miniscule liberty.

My solitude is not to forsake
love, or lust or liability.
This is not to recoil from
following my oath
or fulfilling my dreams.
This is not to look at life
bare of hope.

It is only my desire
that my hands will run my own time;
my heart and mind will write my history,
I, myself, will shape my being.
Let me live in peace,
by not appending to my name
the labels of scorn:
whore,
mistress,
old Maid,
divorced,
though I am a woman living alone.

In the original language (Filipino):

Babae Akong Namumuhay Nang Mag-Isa
ni Joi Barrios

Babae akong namumuhay nang mag-isa,
hiwalay sa asawa,
matandang dalaga,
kerida,
puta.

Ang aking pag-iisa’y batik na itinuring,
latay na pabaon ng nakaraan,
pilat na taglay habambuhay.

May pagsusulit na di ko nakayanan,
may timbangan sumukat sa aking pagkukulang,
may pagsusuring kumilatis
sa pagkatanso ng aking pagkatao.
Lagi’y may paghuhusga sa aking pag-iisa.

Ang di nila nakita’y
akin ang pasya.
Maliit na kalayaang
hinahamak ng iba pang
pagkapiit at pagkaalipin
sa akiing lipunan.

Ang pag-iisa’y di pagtalikod sa
pag-ibig, o pagnanasa o pananagutan.
Hindi ito pagsuko
sa katuparan ng mga pangako
o pagkakatutuo ng mga pangarap.
Hindi pagtanaw sa buhay
nang hubad sa pag-asa.

Paghangad ko lamang
na kamay ko ang magpatakbo sa aking orasan;
Puso at isipan and sumulat ng aking kasaysayan,
Sarili ko ang humubog sa aking kabuuan.
Hayaan akong mabuhay nang payapa,
nang hindi ikinakabit sa aking pangalan
ang mga tawag na pagkutya:
puta,
kerida
matandang dalaga,
hiwalay sa asawa,
babae man akong namumuhay nang mag-isa.
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